Backyard Feeder

Backyard Feeder
photo taken through porch screen

Sunday, August 02, 2009


Sometimes it feels like life is going in a million different directions. I really want to hear the voice of God like Samuel in the night--clear and compelling. Instead I hear a cacophony of voices with very little that I can make out or understand. I want direction--not arrows pointing in every direction. No fair.

I feel like I may be slipping into a depression, it could also be the mold growing under the house from a leak in the bath tub drain, or another allergic reaction, but I am not feeling just right. Now sometimes that means that I'm coming down with something, but usually it means that there is a path laid out for me and I'm going in the wrong direction. This is what I get instead of that still small voice that I want--flu symptoms? How is that supposed to work?

I know I've been working altogether too many Sunday mornings lately and that it's not fair to work fewer because the department hours are being divided between myself and one other person, but I just don't function well without my Sunday School and church. I want to have more involvement at the church, but it's hard on the every other week schedule.

Now the family services director position is open at the church and I've been seriously thinking about taking it. Unfortunately, it has become a part-time position and I can't quit my day job to work part-time. Part of me says: go ahead and apply and if you get the job, you can work it out with the manager at Walgreens. Part of me says: you can't apply for a second job when you barely have time for a life already. I really think that I'd like a full-time position in ministry, and that this is a way to get a foot in the door. I don't know.

I haven't touched my resume' in over 10 years and I'm not sure I even remember what I did before Walgreens. I guess my education and volunteer work would probably count more for this position than some of the retail stuff or the homes for the developmentally disabled.

What if the people who are in charge of hiring think I'm crazy to apply--I have to see them at church. I'm on the Christian Education Committee, for crying out loud. What if the pastor thinks I'm overstepping?

Well, I guess I'll work on that resume' and see what happens. What's the worst they can do. If I don't apply I still don't get the job. If I do, maybe....

Pray for me to make a decision for myself.


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